at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
