also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
