I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
