i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i will never coherently bang her
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
