Swine flu. Run for my life!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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