ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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