I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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