So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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