I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
