I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
