his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
