I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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