i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
