brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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