I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
