I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
