she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
