You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
