I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
