I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I need moral support for this bender
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
