Texts From Last Night

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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.

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  (952): Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage. http://tfl.nu/guje
  Replies (15) Good night (936) Bad night (4157)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...

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  (913): you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast... http://tfl.nu/eo63
  Replies (9) Good night (5161) Bad night (809)
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  (438): View more from Quebec

  that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage

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  (438): that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage http://tfl.nu/1y6d
  Replies (12) Good night (1282) Bad night (4375)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina

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  (832): it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina http://tfl.nu/a6qo
  Replies (11) Good night (1242) Bad night (4629)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?

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  (317): So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road? http://tfl.nu/ir52
  Replies (23) Good night (10037) Bad night (1064)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.

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  (618): I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's. http://tfl.nu/uxq5
  Replies (11) Good night (4078) Bad night (1224)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife

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  (802): he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife http://tfl.nu/h9mg
  Replies (9) Good night (2353) Bad night (1593)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.

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  (215): Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places. http://tfl.nu/tyy2
  Replies (5) Good night (2984) Bad night (686)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.

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  (914): I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status. http://tfl.nu/koi8
  Replies (1) Good night (322) Bad night (597)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?

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  (360): why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends? http://tfl.nu/xe6r
  Replies (2) Good night (561) Bad night (223)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out

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  (770): I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out http://tfl.nu/sd3d
  Replies (0) Good night (388) Bad night (232)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."

  (404): View more from Georgia

  BAT SHIT CRAZY

  (404): View more from Georgia

  It's you're fault, even though I never called

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  (404): Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it." (404): BAT SHIT CRAZY (404): It's you're fault, even though I never called http://tfl.nu/893x
  Replies (2) Good night (517) Bad night (234)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.

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  (206): I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up. http://tfl.nu/cdkq
  Replies (4) Good night (792) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.

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  (321): He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet. http://tfl.nu/4g47
  Replies (3) Good night (353) Bad night (219)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  orgasmnado...tomorrow night

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  That's what I'm talking about

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  (616): orgasmnado...tomorrow night (1-616): That's what I'm talking about http://tfl.nu/v1ax
  Replies (1) Good night (460) Bad night (176)

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