So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so that wasnt chicken after all
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
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Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
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I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying