I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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