Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
