My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
