RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
