I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
