i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
