At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
