the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
