Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm having to shit out rocks
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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