I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
