Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
