I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
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I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
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He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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