i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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