I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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