Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize