Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
