Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
