nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
