Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
