It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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