she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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