Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
