So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
