That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
