Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
