remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
