I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
