Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
