I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
