Cold hands, warm shart.
I want to have your abortion
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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