ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
