The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
