He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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