ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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