WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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