why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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