we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
