I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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