You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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