had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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