just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Mom said you looked used
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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