at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
