Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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